THE MIKADO AND THE MECHAYEH
                               MAX THE KNIFE
  (After capitulation to JEHOOVER)

(Tune: Model of Modern Major Gen'l)

I am the very model of a modern
  labor liberal, 
I never am for evil while I am for
  good, in general.
I like to be in office, so I'm
  expert on the tactical
For though I have my ideals, I am
  also very practical. 
I am very well acquainted too,
  with matters geographical 
And talk about all rulers in a
  manner biographical. 
About the global struggle, I am
  teeming with a lot of news 
With many cheerful facts about the
  tyrants we must not abuse.
(Repeat last line 3 times) 

Oh, I am very good at speeches, and
  at times sound even critical 
But since one must be cautious, it 
  may come out hypocritical.
In short, as long as issues can
  appear so vague and general 
I am the very model of a modern
  labor liberal
(Repeat last 2 lines)

To beat the dirty fascists in our
  war for true democracy
We had to love the Russians, though
  this could be called hypocrisy.
But now that that is over, and we
  finished up the new drawn maps
We find those dirty Russians weren't
  really very decent chaps!
We gave them Eastern Europe; and
  you'd think they would be satisfied
Those greedy dogs want China; - and
  Americans still have their pride!
In short, we must combat the world-
  wide Communist Conspiracy
While still allowing room for little
  bits of harmless heresy.
(Repeat last 2 lines)

                 ******    (cont.)

You see, I'm quite the model of a
  modern labor liberal.
This really hurts my conscience, and
  indeed I feel quite miserable.
But after all, I'm not too good at
  catching clever Russian spies.
These fellows are professionals; they
  therefore must be far more wise.
We cannot waste our time, for after
 all, the house is burning down
And fires call for methods at which
  people always seem to frown.
So, since we must combat the worldwide
  Communist Conspiracy
We'll have to give up all our little
  bits of harmless heresy.
(Repeat last 2 lines)


(Tune: The Lord High Executioner)

Behold, the Lord High Fink approaches!
The master of deceit and guard of
Protector of the home and family
And all the holy profits in society.

Inform, inform, for the Lord High
  Fink is curious.
In form, inform. When the Lord High
  Fink thinks he sees pink,
Then the Lord High Fink is furious.


If you want to know who we are.
We're the dicks of the F.B.I.
Twenty spies a day is par
Whose minimum age is five.
We smear them with red paint.
We smell the faintest taint
We harass without restraint---oh!

We are very slippery Feds
Who on the people spy.
We hunt those godless reds
Under beds we keep an eye.
We may not be too bright,
We can't tell day from night.
But we can tell left from right--oh!

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